I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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