I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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