he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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