how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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