we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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