Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
