why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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