If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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