the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Randomize
