someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
