Kiss
Puke
We need to rekindle our bromance
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
