meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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