Im at strip club and am horny
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
