I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
