I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
