Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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