Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
