I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
