It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
