why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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