in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize