tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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