in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize