Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
