nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
