i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
