Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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