you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
