I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
