i permit you to call me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
