You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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