Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
