two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
