haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
