To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
