My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
