I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
