Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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