I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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