Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Randomize
