My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
