It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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