dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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