So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
