Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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