New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
