The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize