just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
