if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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