only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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