she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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