i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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