Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
