he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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