how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
