Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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