A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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