I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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