I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
