fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
