Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
