I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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