God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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