i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
