I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
