'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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