How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
