Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize