god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
