i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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