Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
